2012年3月12日 星期一

《大亨小傳》擇錄


《大亨小傳》 費茲傑羅 著,石建華  譯
The Great Gatsby by  F. Scott Fitzgerald

第二章 情人

  這實在是一個不可思議的怪農場,這裏像麥子一樣生長著無窮的灰土,堆積成形狀各異的丘陵小山和園林;堆積成房屋、煙囪和炊煙的樣子;還以超絕的偉力堆成人形,朦朧昏暗,隱約在走動著,忽而又在灰濛濛的空氣中復歸爲灰土一層。時有貨車駛過,你只聽見嘎地一聲停住了,猶如鬼哭,卻看不見軌道,看不見那灰塵中的車身。不過你馬上聽到鐵鏟拖動的聲音,聽到腳步忙亂的聲音,那是人們蜂擁上去了。至於他進行何種秘密活動,在一片沙塵中你看不見。

  威爾遜太太現在穿了件下午做客時穿的那種精做細作的洋裝,是奶油色綢緞做成的,她在屋裏轉悠活動時,裙子就摩擦出沙沙的響聲。我真不明白她是什麽時候換的。不過,由於換了一件衣服她的個性也潛移默化地變了,一種目中無人的矜持傲慢取代了在車行初見時感染人的那種自然活力,矯揉造作的笑聲、姿態和言談在時間之流中愈演愈烈,在煙霧瀰漫的空氣中,她好像坐在一個木軸上吱吱呀呀轉個不停。

  柔和的暮色在屋外向我招手,我想出去,到東朝公園走走。可每次我試圖站起來離開時,總有一個繩子把我往沙發座位上拉——一陣不可開交的吵鬧聲爭執把我捲進去了。
  然而我猜想著,在城市上空高高踞立著的這排橙黃的窗戶一定具有某種神秘性。在那夜幕籠罩的街道上說不定正有位過客觀看著它們,在心中編寫著某些不為人知的生命奇蹟。而我也可以想像他抬頭思想的模樣。我發現自己處於一種奇怪的境地:既身處其中,又游離於外;既陶醉於人生的繁華變化,又對這一切感到厭煩。

  房裏的人似乎有隱身術,忽而不見,忽而又現形了。好像一直在找人,商量去什麽地方,可總找不著。但又發現彼此近在咫尺。
  只有小狗安靜穩定地坐在桌上,不時發出輕輕的哼聲,牠兩眼無主,在煙霧中無助地瞟著四周。

第三章 宴會
  
  說完,她瞇起眼睛打了個冷顫。露西爾也開始發抖。我們四處張望,看看有沒有蓋茨比。在一個什麽都不需要避諱的世界裏,有人能引起大家這樣的竊竊私語,也由此可見他給人造成的神秘感。

月色很好,回頭望去,蓋茨比的別墅映襯著月光,爲月色增添了幾分嫵媚。歡笑聲語漸漸從光輝燦爛的花園裏隱去了,只有明月依舊。一股巨大而無形的空虛感從敞開的窗戶和悶裏流出來,深深地籠罩著這兒的主人,他仍然站在陽臺上,做著重複了無數次的告別手勢。

第四章 前塵

  “蓋茨比就是因為這座屋子與黛西的住所隔水相對,才買下它的。”喬丹回到我說。
  這樣一說,我才恍然大悟,在那個十月裏的夜晚,他所嚮往的不僅僅是天上的繁星,還有對岸的人間燈火。蓋茨比此刻不再是一個沒有目的的追求豪華的人了,他從那豪華的子宮裏分娩了出來,在我的眼裏,他從此有了生命,是一個活生生,充滿七情六欲的人了。

第五章 重遇初戀情人

  當我與蓋茨比告別的時候,我發現蓋茨比的臉上又出現了那種驚慌失措的表情,看得出他不相信眼前的幸福。在那天下午一定有一些地方,黛西並不是像他夢想的那樣美好,原因不在黛西,而是蓋茨比五年來的巨大幻想,他的幻想超越了黛西,他爲這個幻想加了太多的枝葉,並賦予它絢麗的色彩。
  我察覺到他走出幻想,慢慢適應這眼前的真實。他抓住她的手,她在他耳邊低語,他聽後就猛轉向她,我認為她那悅耳獨特的聲音最使他著迷,聲音使永恆的歌,是幻想不能企及的。此時,他們已忘記了我,黛西看了我一眼,伸出了手,而蓋茨比則根本不認識我了,我們互相對看,雖近在咫尺卻遠在天涯。是該我退場的時候了,我讓他們兩人待在一起,我走出屋子,走進了雨裏。

第六章 挑釁

  雖然他的身體過著隨心所欲的生活,可他年輕的心卻不滿於現狀,充滿著格式多樣的幻想。時鐘在洗臉架上不停地走著,月光透過窗子照在地上雜七雜八的衣服上,而他的腦子卻正在構想著一個令人滿意的絢麗多彩的世界。這是一個夢想的天國,他豐富的想象力在此得以發揮,每夜他都使他的世界更加豐富。他在美麗的幻想中沈睡,使他相信這才是真實的,而現實卻不是,他認為世界是建立在幻想上的。

  他説:“黛西不理解我,她跟過去不一樣了,以前我們可以一坐幾個小時……”他沒有說下去,而是在被弄得亂七八糟的小路上徘徊。
  我突然冒出一句説:“你不可能回到過去,你不能對她要求那麽高。”
  他卻不理解地叫道,“不能回到過去?不!我就能!我一定能把一切安排的跟過去一樣,沒差別!”
  他還堅毅地點點頭,堅定地説:“她會看到過去的一切的。”他張望著周圍,就好像過去就在這附近,他一伸手就可以抓到。
  他開始講他與黛西的往事。我覺得他不是為了宣洩,而是為了重新獲得他的某種理念,那個讓他進入對黛西熱戀的理念。從那時起,他的生活是沒有規律的,也許從某個出發點開始,讓他重溫一遍過去,他可以找到他需要的東西。……

第七章 發現真相

  “一切都糟糕透頂。我們為什麼不去城裏呢!”她的話剛一說完就被滔滔的熱浪捲走,在裏面亂撞,四處拍打。任人擺佈的熱浪被攪得亂七八糟。
  “誰都知道把馬房改成汽車間,早就……

  那個地方不知為什麼一直就令人感到說不出的不安,似乎有什麽隱隱威脅,即使在明亮耀眼的下午陽光裏也是如此,因此我猛然扭過頭去仿佛身後有個什麽東西正在逼近我。
  在灰堆的上方,埃克爾堡大夫俯視著,兩隻眼睛大大地盯著,片刻之後,我發現還有另外一雙眼睛正在全神貫注地注視著我們,它們在而是英尺都不到的地方。
  車行上面有一個窗戶的簾子微微向旁邊拉開,露出一條縫,茱特爾•威爾遜正站在那兒偷偷地向下看我們的車子。她是那樣地聚精會神,以致她絲毫沒有覺察到她也被別人發現了——她的臉上湧過一種接一種的情感的浪潮,就像一張照片上不同的物體先後慢慢地從模糊到清晰,然後被另一個物體替代。

第九章 迴光

  “咱們大家都應當學會在朋友活著的時候講義氣,而不是等到人死之後,”他表明態度説。“在人死之後,我個人的做法是避免任何牽連。”

2012年3月4日 星期日

Film: The Wind Will Carry Us

by Abbas Kiarostami (1999)





The Wind Will Carry Us 其實節錄自伊郎女詩人Forough Farrokhzad的一首詩, 出現於片中主角無光線的山洞中取牛奶一段:

Engineer: Okay, I’ll recite a poem to you. [pause]
It will occupy us while you milk. [pause] 
You won’t answer me?
Girl: [milking cow by the light of the lamp] Go ahead.

Engineer: I was saying that… [pause]
In my night, so brief, alas
The wind is about to meet the leaves. 

[breaks off]
Do you understand that?
Girl: The two are meeting.

Engineer: It’s like when you went to see Yossef. [pause] At the well.
Girl: At the well?

Engineer: Bravo. [Pause]

My night so brief is filled with devastating anguish.
Hark! Do you hear the whisper of the shadows? [breaks off]
Do you understand the shadows?

Girl: That means darkness.

Engineer: [recites slowly]
This happiness feels foreign to me.
l am accustomed to despair.
Hark! Do you hear the whisper of the shadows?
There, in the night, something is happening.
The moon is red and anxious.
And, clinging to this roof that could collapse at any moment,
The clouds, like a crowd of mourning women,
Await the birth of the rain,
One second, and then nothing.
Behind this window, the night trembles,
And the earth stops spinning.
Behind this window, a stranger
Worries about you and me.
You, in your greenery,
Lay your hands - those burning memories -
On my loving hands
And entrust your lips, replete with life ’s warmth,
To the touch of my loving lips.

Girl: [referring to the milk] It’s full.

Engineer: The wind will carry us
Life and death is so foreign to me, but the wind will carry us.



 Full version( my favourite one)
a poem by the famous 20th century woman poet, Forough Farrokhzād.

In my night, so brief, alas
The wind is about to meet the leaves.
My night so brief is filled with devastating anguish
Hark! Do you hear the whisper of the shadows?
This happiness feels foreign to me.
I am accustomed to despair.
Hark! Do you hear the whisper of the shadows?
There, in the night, something is happening
The moon is red and anxious.
And, clinging to this roof
That could collapse at any moment,
The clouds, like a crowd of mourning women,
Await the birth of the rain.
One second, and then nothing.
Behind this window,
The night trembles
And the earth stops spinning.
Behind this window, a stranger
Worries about me and you.
You in your greenery,
Lay your hands – those burning memories –
On my loving hands.
And entrust your lips, replete with life’s warmth,
To the touch of my loving lips
The wind will carry us!
The wind will carry us!



Behzad remarks that some people assert that after one dies, one goes to a better place. But the doctor points out that noone has ever come back to verify such tales; it is better to get the most of this world, the one in which we are alive. He then quotes a quatrain from Omar Khayyam’s Rubaiyait:

They tell me the other world is as beautiful as a houri from heaven!
Yet I say that the juice of the vine is better.
Prefer the present to those fine promises.
Even a drum sounds melodious from afar.

2012年3月2日 星期五

延讀木心:Of Envy


by Francis Bacon (1561-1626)

THERE be none of the affections, which have been noted to fascinate or bewitch, but love and envy. They both have vehement wishes; they frame themselves readily into imaginations and suggestions; and they come easily into the eye, especially upon the present of the objects; which are the points that conduce to fascination, if any such thing there be. We see likewise, the Scripture calleth envy an evil eye; and the astrologers, call the evil influences of the stars, evil aspects; so that still there seemeth to be acknowledged, in the act of envy, an ejaculation or irradiation of the eye. Nay, some have been so curious, as to note, that the times when the stroke or percussion of an envious eye doth most hurt, are when the party envied is beheld in glory or triumph; for that sets an edge upon envy: and besides, at such times the spirits of the person envied, do come forth most into the outward parts, and so meet the blow.
But leaving these curiosities (though not unworthy to be thought on, in fit place), we will handle, what persons are apt to envy others; what persons are most subject to be envied themselves; and what is the difference between public and private envy.
A man that hath no virtue in himself, ever envieth virtue in others. For men’s minds, will either feed upon their own good, or upon others’ evil; and who wanteth the one, will prey upon the other; and whoso is out of hope, to attain to another’s virtue, will seek to come at even hand, by depressing another’s fortune.
A man that is busy, and inquisitive, is commonly envious. For to know much of other men’s matters, cannot be because all that ado may concern his own estate; therefore it must needs be, that he taketh a kind of play-pleasure, in looking upon the fortunes of others. Neither can he, that mindeth but his own business, find much matter for envy. For envy is a gadding passion, and walketh the streets, and doth not keep home: Non est curiosus, quin idem sit malevolus.
Men of noble birth, are noted to be envious towards new men, when they rise. For the distance is altered, and it is like a deceit of the eye, that when others come on, they think themselves, go back.
Deformed persons, and eunuchs, and old men, and bastards, are envious. For he that cannot possibly mend his own case, will do what he can, to impair another’s; except these defects light upon a very brave, and heroical nature, which thinketh to make his natural wants part of his honor; in that it should be said, that an eunuch, or a lame man, did such great matters; affecting the honor of a miracle; as it was in Narses the eunuch, and Agesilaus and Tamberlanes, that were lame men.
The same is the case of men, that rise after calamities and misfortunes. For they are as men fallen out with the times; and think other men’s harms, a redemption of their own sufferings.
They that desire to excel in too many matters, out of levity and vain glory, are ever envious. For they cannot want work; it being impossible, but many, in some one of those things, should surpass them. Which was the character of Adrian the Emperor; that mortally envied poets, and painters, and artificers, in works wherein he had a vein to excel.
Lastly, near kinsfolks, and fellows in office, and those that have been bred together, are more apt to envy their equals, when they are raised. For it doth upbraid unto them their own fortunes, and pointeth at them, and cometh oftener into their remembrance, and incurreth likewise more into the note of others; and envy ever redoubleth from speech and fame. Cain’s envy was the more vile and malignant, towards his brother Abel, because when his sacrifice was better accepted, there was no body to look on. Thus much for those, that are apt to envy.
Concerning those that are more or less subject to envy: First, persons of eminent virtue, when they are advanced, are less envied. For their fortune seemeth , but due unto them; and no man envieth the payment of a debt, but rewards and liberality rather. Again, envy is ever joined with the comparing of a man’s self; and where there is no comparison, no envy; and therefore kings are not envied, but by kings. Nevertheless it is to be noted, that unworthy persons are most envied, at their first coming in, and afterwards overcome it better; whereas contrariwise, persons of worth and merit are most envied, when their fortune continueth long. For by that time, though their virtue be the same, yet it hath not the same lustre; for fresh men grow up that darken it.
Persons of noble blood, are less envied in their rising. For it seemeth but right done to their birth. Besides, there seemeth not much added to their fortune; and envy is as the sunbeams, that beat hotter upon a bank, or steep rising ground, than upon a flat. And for the same reason, those that are advanced by degrees, are less envied than those that are advanced suddenly and per saltum.
Those that have joined with their honor great travels, cares, or perils, are less subject to envy. For men think that they earn their honors hardly, and pity them sometimes; and pity ever healeth envy. Wherefore you shall observe, that the more deep and sober sort of politic persons, in their greataess, are ever bemoaning themselves, what a life they lead; chanting a quanta patimur! Not that they feel it so, but only to abate the edge of envy. But this is to be understood, of business that is laid upon men, and not such, as they call unto themselves. For nothing increaseth envy more, than an unnecessary and ambitious engrossing of business. And nothing doth extinguish envy more, than for a great person to preserve all other inferior officers, in their full lights and pre-eminences of their places. For by that means, there be so many screens between him and envy.
Above all, those are most subject to envy, which carry the greatness of their fortunes, in an insolent and proud manner; being never well, but while they are showing how great they are, either by outward pomp, or by triumphing over all opposition or competition; whereas wise men will rather do sacrifice to envy, in suffering themselves sometimes of purpose to be crossed, and overborne in things that do not much concern them. Notwithstanding, so much is true, that the carriage of greatness, in a plain and open manner (so it be without arrogancy and vain glory) doth draw less envy, than if it be in a more crafty and cunning fashion. For in that course, a man doth but disavow fortune; and seemeth to be conscious of his own want in worth; and doth but teach others, to envy him.
Lastly, to conclude this part; as we said in the beginning, that the act of envy had somewhat in it of witchcraft, so there is no other cure of envy, but the cure of witchcraft; and that is, to remove the lot (as they call it) and to lay it upon another. For which purpose, the wiser sort of great persons, bring in ever upon the stage somebody upon whom to derive the envy, that would come upon themselves; sometimes upon ministers and servants; sometimes upon colleagues and associates; and the like; and for that turn there are never wanting, some persons of violent and undertaking natures, who, so they may have power and business, will take it at any cost.
Now, to speak of public envy. There is yet some good in public envy, whereas in private, there is none. For public envy, is as an ostracism, that eclipseth men, when they grow too great. And therefore it is a bridle also to great ones, to keep them within bounds.
This envy, being in the Latin word invidia, goeth in the modern language, by the name of discontentment; of which we shall speak, in handling sedition. It is a disease, in a state, like to infection. For as infection spreadeth upon that which is sound, and tainteth it; so when envy is gotten once into a state, it traduceth even the best actions thereof, and turneth them into an ill odor. And therefore there is little won, by intermingling of plausible actions. For that doth argue but a weakness, and fear of envy, which hurteth so much the more, as it is likewise usual in infections; which if you fear them, you call them upon you.
This public envy, seemeth to beat chiefly upon principal officers or ministers, rather than upon kings, and estates themselves. But this is a sure rule, that if the envy upon the minister be great, when the cause of it in him is small; or if the envy be general, in a manner upon all the ministers of an estate; then the envy (though hidden) is truly upon the state itself. And so much of public envy or discontentment, and the difference thereof from private envy, which was handled in the first place.
We will add this in general, touching the affection of envy; that of all other affections, it is the most importune and continual. For of other affections, there is occasion given, but now and then; and therefore it was well said, Invidia festos dies non agit: for it is ever working upon some or other. And it is also noted, that love and envy do make a man pine, which other affections do not, because they are not so continual. It is also the vilest affection, and the most depraved; for which cause it is the proper attribute of the devil, who is called, the envious man, that soweth tares amongst the wheat by night; as it always cometh to pass, that envy worketh subtilly, and in the dark, and to the prejudice of good things, such as is the wheat.
Source: http://www.authorama.com/essays-of-francis-bacon-10.html

More: 中文版《論嫉妒》一
            中文版二

2012年2月29日 星期三

讀木心之預習:問余何適

《瓊美卡隨想錄》

《圓滿》

弘一大师病危前手书之偈语,曰:
君子之交,其淡如水。执象而求,咫尺千里。
问余何适,廓尔忘言。花枝春满,天心月圆。
君子之交,其淡如水。应该解释为,君子之间的交往如水一般纯净,不带杂质。 
执象而求,咫尺千里。是说如果只看朋友交往的表面现象,好像看到了真实情况,实际上差得远了。 
问余何适,廓尔亡言。是说问我将到哪里去安身呢,前路广阔,我无言以对。 
花枝春满,天心月圆。但只见春满花开,皓月当空,一片宁静安详,那就是我的归处啊。 

2012年2月20日 星期一

過飽

吃得太飽果然不是一件好事,啊,應該説是非常糟糕的事情。

一開始,會覺得自己由食道到胃部都滿滿的塞滿了食物,甚至是滿到在喉嚨要溢出來的程度。感覺非常難受,肚子是擠塞的,然後仿佛腦袋也不過是肚子的一部份。至少整個人的思緒都被不適牽引到肚子裏,優先被消化。一段漫長的時間後,終於食物們開始被消化,由於份量實在是太多,消化過程產生的胃氣又被後來居上的食物擋住了舒展筋骨的路,靈魂被困。

唉,其實不過是我太沒用。一點點的不適實在沒什麽大不了,實在不應讓理性也淹沒其中。

唉,我的不適的確沒什麽大不了。食慾滿足過度必然的結果罷了。那些死在我口中的無數生命呢?它們的生命甚至不是為了滿足我生存,只是生活的一部份。我過分過多的吃,僅僅是生活中無數片段中的一部份。而且,即使我吃是為了充饑,為了生存,又如何呢?“嘿,對不起喔,為了活命,我務必要吃你啊,肉兒、菜兒、果兒……”這是什麽跟什麽?

我應該故作樂觀地説,只要僅爲滿足活命所需地吃,珍惜食物,不浪費,你就是一個好孩子了……生存也不過是種慾望,但難道聖人都該無欲無求嗎?摒棄慾望的都自大。眾生皆無欲無求,是要宇宙都回歸於“無”的狀態嗎?“無”是什麼?那現在所謂的“大自然”、“自然”又是什麽?什麽是適合?什麽是不當?標準在哪裏?道德又是什麽?我邊吃邊同情的屍體們,它們又是怎麽想的,會覺得我很殘酷嗎?

唉,要說為什麼我如此多慮?不過是希望動動腦筋有助消化罷了……

2012年1月27日 星期五

好想讀《奇諾之旅》

我需要假期,最少一個星期!好想重讀一遍《奇諾之旅》(1-13)啊!第14本我貌似沒有讀過呢(只有第14本的封面沒印象),第一次讀已經是(約)兩三年前的事了,最近開始非常想念它(書)。

然後,努力回想,我發現,自己幾乎什麽也想不起,既高興又不。高興的是,我又可以體驗一次《奇諾之旅》,而且還帶初嘗的新鮮感。不的原因更為簡單,閱讀的優先次序被我排得很後面,就是説我可以讀書(課外的)時間實在是非常有限……而,現在,我居然想(慢慢地)讀一共有十四本的《奇諾之旅》……

聽說人最佳的生活方式就是 "live like you're dying",如果真的如此活的話,我只想帶上一堆書到深山,然後沒日沒夜地讀;如果可活的日子長點,直接住在中央圖書館也不錯,然後沒夜沒日地讀……

什麽末代高考,要是快死了,誰在意……

2012年1月25日 星期三

摘錄:《空出來的房間》


《空出來的房間》
海倫·嘉娜——著,呂玉嬋——譯,商周出版
The Spare Room by Helen Garner
作者序:我們很容易把一個將死之人的難堪言行加以矯飾,而讓關於死亡的故事變得溫暖平和。為了不要落入這樣的窠臼,我在字裡行間必須冷酷約束自己的情感。

為人準備休眠的空間是種榮幸。——Elizabeth Jolley
……抑或者,這是心傷時的表現。—— Louise Glück

“也許她就是這樣才來這裡住的,也許她希望妳就是那個人。”
“哪個人?”
“告訴她,她快要死了的那個人。